Taking Control

"A lot of people spend valuable time in their lives focusing on their pasts. I have. I could probably spoil your week if i reviewed the first 26 years of my life. It was a mess!

When i was 26, i had a guy look at me and tell me that I was the most miserable person he had ever met! he was right. I was plain miserable. He said, "You're always sick!" I didn't have a terminal illness or anything but I always had a backache, headache, or something and i was always broke. He said "Why don't you change it?" Well, as long as I kept focusing on what led me to this point, I was going to create more of the same. He said "Let it go! Forgive it!"

-Bob Proctor

Letting go of the past and moving forward?

Definitely easier said then done. There are so many in the world, so many who are super stressed over work and studies. They make mistakes and love to harp on the issue for a long long time.

They go back to the past and look at the unchangeable. They ask themselves what i could have done better, what i should have not done, so on and so forth. These people fail to look into the future.

They failed to let go of their past. They bare grudges against people whom have made their lives miserable and refuse to move on into the future. They lock up their feelings inside of themselves and forget the bigger picture.

I happen to be a part of that group of people. I happen to be one of those that let my past haunt me and refused to let it out. I happen to be that loser that doesn't want to take control of my life.

I forget that i'm only 18 and still have to spend 50 more years at least on this place. I forget that there is a bigger picture behind my perfect painting of my life, that this bigger picture is forever changing. I forget that i can actually control how this picture will be painted.

I refused to look into the big picture and hope to go back to the good times. I refused to admit that at the end of the Journey, the pain that i experienced through the path will be nothing compared to the glory of my gains. I refused to let go, forgive, and move on into the future.

I want to stay in a comfort zone and not step out into the unknown. I want the problems that i have to disappear without me doing anything. I want to be at the top of the world and be in control.

All these that i happen to be, all those that i forgot, things that i have refused, dreams that i wanted. It lead to what i am now.

This is no longer me. I have lost not only my will, i have lost my character, my confidence, my mind. I am no longer who i used to be, or who i wanted to be.

I have let myself sink so deep i have lost even my Heart and my Soul.

I am going to take control. I will face my problems boldly.
I will stop running away.

Mark my words, because I will find myself once again.

I will become the Thomas Koh i and the world once knew, and be even better.

I will be confident, I will have the will to succeed, and I WILL never let anyone stop me from finding myself again.

Yes, i am now moving on.

Most importantly, i am now Taking Control.