What am i doing?!

I feel like a wreck...
I feel like shit...
I don't know what is wrong with me...

I'm on the risk of failing a module, and i totally don't like the feeling of that.
I don't understand what is wrong with me...
I'm supposed to love this module, but the more i'm into it, the more i hate it...
Listening to Avril Lavigne's When you're gone...

Very literally, its like as if the love for this course is gone...
And i'm here crying out to it, to come back.
I need it back, that love of the module.
But nothing seems to be working...

I told myself before, that i have backup plans... Many of them...
But at this point of time...
None of them are more important than that single module...
Its really been some time since i felt like a wreck like this.
And i'm really lost as to what to do.

Thankfully though, I know that i have my Friends and Juniors there to listen to me...
To be my listening ear...
I have to thank them for that...
Because if not, I think i'll be in a much worst state then i would be...

And as i'm typing this, i realise how strange it is that i mostly feel more at home, when i'm with Swiss Winds, compared to being at home...
I don't even know why i'm like that...
Really blur to what is going on with me...
Cos i'm really lost at this point...

But i guess i'm just being too negative...
Failure is never the end of the road, for anyone...
I must stand up on my feet again, and fight back...
And as Mrs V has just said, "However hard something seems to get through, no tunnels last forever..."
Its something that i definitely have to learn...
Failing at something only means that i have to try harder.
Yea, that is how i have to look at it...
Its the only way i'll get through this storm.

The one, and only way.
Look at that light at the end of that tunnel, and run towards it.
There may be a storm brewing in the tunnel, but the only way out is forward, no to go back in time and find some way out from the back.
Its a sprint that will never be easy, and i may have a few more falls before i get out of the tunnel, but i need to believe that i can do it. And i know that i will.

For sure...

Emotions running wild...

Sometimes i don't understand why i love to just go back to the past...
Its the end of semester 1 and i feel drained out, tired, and everything else...

Just not at all happy...
And i have no idea why...
Perhaps it's because Swiss Winds the band stepping down on 10th September???
Feel so down...
So unlike my character...
I should be extremely happy when it's the holidays
But not this one...

Or maybe i'm just thinking and preoccupying my mind with too many things...
My biggest problem now into my 17th year of life on Earth.
I always love to think too much.
Sometimes i do very unnecessary thinking about things that are not even happening.
Mind running too wild...

I think about the past so often nowadays.
Thinking about Swiss, all the friends and all those jokes and bullying and teasing i had to pull through...
All those tough times i encountered in my secondary school times with band and stuff...

And then after that there is the NDP 2011.
Finally got the chance to be in NDP for once with Swiss Winds...
But it might very well just be the last time... I don't even know if i have enough time next year to go back.

Yea...
Emotions really running wild...
Confused about nearly everything there is.

Stressed out for nothing...
I dont even know what is happening to me now.
Its just like what Min Jiang told me...
I have too much on my plate.
And i obviously cannot finish it...

Haiz...

Confused beyond words....

Its another new month...

So many things happened leading up to this month...
And through all the things that happened, i was listening to many many songs...
More or less, since i'm participating in NDP this year, i started to listen to all the past NDP songs as well...
And it brings back all the past memories from Primary school to Secondary school.

Listening to "Where I Belong" brings back the memories of Primary 1.
Thinking back now once again, o how funny it is to be thinking about it sometimes...
I remember Primary 1 was so crazy...
All my friends, Filbert, Justin... and many more...
The times when i vomit everywhere in school and spill my drinks everywhere in the canteen area...
Lolz...

"Together"
Another NDP song that i simply love.
The meaning in the song is so strong...
Listening to it makes me ask myself why i think of dying sometimes when i have so much to look forward to in Singapore.
And how privileged i am to be able to do something i actually love, music...
How about even being able to study, all the things that so many others are not able to do...

Those two songs really made an impact in me, really.
And then there is "Home".
Probably the most loved Singapore NDP song ever...
Its songs like this that makes me feel at home, where everyone is one big family, and that place is Singapore! :D
Yea i guess you all can say that because of this year's NDP, it made me feel much closer to home...

Kay thats all i have time for....
You see a new month, but i have like tons of overdue homework...
So see you all!!!
I'll be back soon for sure :D