Life

The first week of 2012 has passed, just like that...
1 week down, 5 more to go...
Mentally and physically, i'm losing it again...
I'm losing my ability to carry on...
I keep asking myself at times, what is my purpose in life...
Is it just to be the helpful guy i am and try my best to help out everyone that i can??? Or can i actually go and live my dreams...

During the night, at times, i ask myself, what the shit am i doing??
I'll be asking myself, "What happens if the closest people around me were to leave me..."
For those who knows me, all i can say is that i'm sorry for being who i just am...
Yea sure, when i'm with you all, i'm all happy or whatever...
I care about you all, i ask about how you all are, and sometimes i can be super irritating with over caring...
But deep down, i'm always scared...
I'm scared that I'll wake up one morning and find you all all gone...
I'm worried that I'll lose my closest friends, that those who are closet to me will one day turn their backs on me despite whatever we have been through...

Last few months, has been emotional roller coasters one after another...
I pray hard for it to end, i pray hard that i can stop having all this stupid mood swings and stop being paranoid, because i know that i'm irritating the hell out of all my friends, but sometimes i feel like just killing myself...
Yet every time i have made up my mind to jump off the building, my best friends comes into the picture...
Yan teik, Shi Hui, Lindi Xinzhen and all...
And then there are those i regard as my brothers, Bryce and Chuan Han...

All of them, they keep my going...
Every single one of them, have told me that i'm irritating at times, and i know that...
But sometimes i really just can't stop myself...
I've always been that emotional person that i have been...
And i gone through a lot of hell that many people couldn't imagine...
My bros, my best friends... They have been keeping me going...
Without them, i'm nothing...

I pray hard that this year could be better... but its really not getting any better...
But i have promised, that i will keep going... I'll help everyone i can, before i lose myself...
I'll just hope for the best and i hope that my bros and my best friends...
I hope we could be brothers forever and friends for eternity...

Life

I'm feeling really horrible today...

Its just a combination of things that even music can't solve.
I feel tired because i haven been out of the house for some time other then the visit to the hospital yesterday to visit grandma...
My body is aching everywhere, and on top of that, i worried for my second semester...
Worried that i cannot make it and things like that...

I guess this is the world today... especially in Singapore
You can hardly survive in the Singapore working society without a proper certificate.
Even teaching piano, it's best to have a cert so that you can proof that you are qualified to teach.

I guess i'll have to work my ass off for my second semester in Ngee Ann, or not i wont be able to pull up my GPA...
But at the same time, i still wanna spend time with Swiss Winds...
It is the only band that i have joined in my life, that made me feel at home, that i really belonged.
Maybe it was because of the amount of effort that i have put into the band.
Maybe its all the bonds that i have made with my juniors there, that i find it so hard to break away.
And it would really break my heart if the band cannot get better.

Nevertheless, i'll have to look at what happens.
One step at a time!
I guess that's life.
Don't think too much, try your best, and everything will work out one day.
At least i believe it will.

Life is full of miracles, i know it is.
And i'm gonna believe that I CAN...