I can hardly count the number of times i have blogged about this topic.
I can hardly count the number of times people i have trusted stabbed me straight in my back
I will never forget the times i decided to trust, only to find the people i trust turning around and stabbing me straight in my back.
Yet these are the people who make me realise that there are people out there i really can trust.
They were right in front of me, while i was busy freaking out and trying to please those who didn't care about me. I ignored them, i forgot about them, i neglected them.
And now i realise the pain i have put myself through for months already, and the fact that i actually only need a handful of people i trust, instead of having a load of people around me, not knowing who will stay and who will leave the next moment.
My friends, i'm sorry that i try time after time after time to test if you all sold me out, if you all backstabbed me, instead of trying to believe and trust you all. I'm more than lost in my world now, i really no longer see the light that had always brightly lead the way.
It is kind of ironic, how i am now standing here in my living room, on my result day, typing and blogging about something i have already done before.
Yet today might just be the day.
Yesterday, i realised that i had what i have always wanted in front of my eyes. I found someone i could believe in and confide in.
Someone i could trust forever.
However, i feel insecure still even though i have found the someone.
Perhaps it is because of the time i have sacrificed for those who don't care about me.
It could be the energy that i have wasted trying to make things perfect for them.
Is this the reason i cry?
Because i feel that i have given my all for those people, and that i will never stop caring for them.
Of course time would tell if i really mean anything at all, and time would tell if i should still believe in them.
The number of time i am willing to overlook all the mistakes you people have made, is countless.
Time will tell the truth, and truth will be told.
I was put through all the pain, Karma will be a bitch to you people
Have your guard up, because karma will be a bitch.
Sacrificed so much to gain only so little.
"For what," I ask myself.
Those that didn't matter will never matter to me, but
Who are those that don't matter?
Care was what they have promised me, that they will be here for me and never leave my side
About time they remembered that promise isn't it.
"Me" will should disappear, and I will be gone, but what do they care?
"Come what may, we'll be here to stay"
Heard that line before maybe? From Singapore's NDP 2012 if i am not wrong
Remembering how happy i was in 2012 when everything was still normal, when everything still went as plan and went really smoothly...
I must say it is almost too painful, that friends come and go, even if you care so much about them, they just abandon you all together.
Sometimes you wonder how they can do that, how they can just forget about you.
The harsh reality is there, they can, and they have; they forgot everything you have done for them, they forget the times you tried so hard to make things perfect.
It hurt really bad to see your best friends forget who you are, especially when you thought they will be here forever; pains that left scars, memories that kills a part of you that still cared...
Never put those you trust, those who mattered to you through this kind of pain, because they do not deserve to go through that.
Enough is enough, there is not need to pass the pain to someone else, it can end with me, only i need to be alone, only i need to be completely destroyed.
& they say it is always the strongest that stands up strong and pull through the storm isn't it?
Queen on the chessboard is the strongest piece of the game, is it not?
It has the power of all the pieces in the chess game, the power to set fire to the game.
Whether the game is in your favour or not, you only need that one chess piece to survive.
Everything else can be ignored, you don't need anyone else isn't it?
No, my friends, you are wrong
Think about the times when you realised there was no one around you, and when i am the only one left that is willing to even listen to you, are you gonna come running back to me?
How about you think about the many times that you have thrown me away and push me aside?
And the countless times i begged you to stop turning the bloody tables?
No i won't let you, never again will i let you kill me again.
Kicking you out of my life would be the best option that i will never ever hesitate to do again.
Yet I'm stupid enough to stay and trust you, and care for you.
Only when you turn your back on me did i ever cry, and even if i did i had to sob in silence.
U didn't even bothered to ask if i was fine.
FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME, i think i can count just with my fingers.
And yet again, i am to trust you because i cannot think of any way not to.
I have to bare with the pain you have inflicted on me time after time, even after i begged you not to.
I'm tired of all the things that goes on and on, and i really just want everything to go back to normal
I want to trust you again. Please let me do that will you?
Let me trust you again will you?
Because, Trust is the easiest thing to say, but the hardest thing to do...
No comments:
Post a Comment