Believing in Myself

Hi people =)
I know.
Very long did not post.
Here to post now.
Anyway, i know that my parents sucks....

Enough of that.
Seems that so many things have ripped my holiday apart.
Into thousand of pieces that i could hardly piece them together again.
My parents... they suck.
They scold and nag that i am not doing any homework.
And i really am angry because everyone can watch TV at least.
But i cannot even do that at home.
I am only free at my aunt's house.
So dam said.

But that is not only the only thing.
See, i am down for something called the Advance Drill Course.
And there is a pre course training.
And everyone that is going through this with me are telling me "Thomas DUN go for the course lar. We will tease you one."
Not only that.
Sometimes i hear ppl tell me " Thomas you cannot make it one lar. So dun try."
WHAT?
I mean yes i may be weaker then anyone.
But i know i can do it.
Why dun they just understand that?
And what i have in band is horrifying sometimes.
Everyone seems to hate me.
And Mr Chew want me to be the nxt Student Conductor.
Dun know what is going to happen nxt year.
I mean... Should i just quit?
But i can't quit...
There is no way out of this.
Sometimes i really want to just sit down in one corner and just cry.
I just feel that bad.
And i dun fake sick.
Now that i am sick, i dun know if i can go for my Band Camp.
Then everyone is going to say "Thomas is faking sick"
I hate that, but i will just tolerate it.
I dun want to blow up again.
I dun wan to blow up ever again.
NOT EVEN ONCE.
i wan to change that.
I dun want to blow up again.
*cry*
I really wan to change.
But no one in band sees that.
*cry*
I had suffered three full years of band and school in primary school.
And i dun wan that again.
I want that to go completely.
*cry*
*cry*
*cry*
What have i done so wrong to get all this horrible suffering?

Hate my life... Just want to die...